


table four

by neolino



Category: Stray Kids (Band)
Genre: (very heartbroken), Angst, a little fluff, dj chan !!!!!, justin bieber is mentioned once, seungmin and changbin are a little heartbroken, seungmin and changbin are best friends
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-09-07
Updated: 2020-09-07
Packaged: 2021-03-07 01:40:50
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 2,537
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/26345008
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/neolino/pseuds/neolino
Summary: “I promised him that one day, I’d get him the stars. He smiled at me and I swear it was the prettiest thing I’ve ever seen.”Changbin’s heart breaks a little. “I’m sorry.”Seungmin shrugs the apology off (what does he have to be sorry for?). “The other night he walked into my room all excited and giddy because Jeongin told him he’d get him the moon. I guess the stars weren’t enough.”
Relationships: Hwang Hyunjin/Lee Minho | Lee Know, Kim Seungmin & Seo Changbin, Kim Seungmin/Lee Felix, Lee Felix/Yang Jeongin | I.N, Lee Minho | Lee Know/Seo Changbin
Comments: 5
Kudos: 57





	table four

“All alone at Table 4?”

Changbin quickly averts his gaze from the couple across the room to the half-empty glass of orange juice Jeongin had given him the moment he arrived. He tries to ease the tension in his shoulders and hide the pain swimming in the pools of his eyes. It doesn’t work, though. Partly because he’s been doing this so much that it drowns all the energy he has, and partly because the person now sitting beside him has seen Changbin at his worst.

Changbin at his worst has pain tainting the blood in his veins, scars slashed across his heart, and droplets of tears falling from his eyes. Changbin at his worst has his guard down, the walls made of stone no longer guarding his heart. Changbin at his worst falls apart.

Changbin at his  _ best _ falls apart. Maybe the line between his best and worst is starting to fade. Just the thought of it has his head spinning.

“Jisung said this party was supposed to distract you.”

“It clearly isn’t working.”

“Yeah, I can tell.”

A sigh escapes his lips. “What do you need, Seungmin?”

Seungmin shrugs. He speaks while his gaze moves around the room. It’s like he’s looking for somebody. “Just thought you needed some company,” he says. His tone remains nonchalant, but they carry a heavy weight on them. “Unless you don’t want it.”

Changbin doesn’t dare turn his head to get a glimpse of his friend. There’s a pause. A beat of silence between the two of them. It’s enough for Seungmin to stay. When he opens his mouth again, there’s an inkling of victory in his tone. “Thought so.”

His gaze lands on two people out on the balcony and his hand goes limp. Changbin glances over at him and asks, “You okay?”

“Yeah,” Seungmin responds. Changbin knows it’s a lie. “Just ate something bad. Who made the sushi?”

“Jisung,” Changbin answers. “I think.”

Seungmin hums. He glances over to where Changbin was looking just a few moments ago. Understanding settles itself on his features, and without thinking he says, “This happens at every party.”

Changbin has always been good at lying to other people. Chan believes him when he says that Hyunjin was the one who stole his deck of Uno cards. Jeongin believes him when he says he’s watched the drama he suggested months ago. Jisung believes him when he says he knows the nine-times-tables like the back of his hand.

But Changbin can never lie to himself. He likes to believe his heart has been empty for a long time, but he knows it’s far from the truth.

It aches whenever he remembers that the person he loves doesn’t love him back.

He clears his throat and mumbles a soft, “Yeah, they have fun at every party. What’s your problem with that?”

“My problem with  _ that _ is that it hurts  _ you _ ,” Seungmin mutters. “You can’t keep doing this.”

“That’s rich coming from you,” Changbin scoffs.

Chan, who’s stationed at the DJ station, changes the song to something more upbeat. It definitely doesn’t match the atmosphere at Table 4. If this was a movie, a song about broken hearts and unrequited love would blast through the speakers.

But this isn’t a movie. If it were, there will be a happily ever after. Changbin doesn’t see it happening any time soon.

“My situation is different.” Seungmin plays with the ring on his ring finger when he lies, but Changbin doesn’t have to glance at his hands to see if he’s bluffing. They know each other well enough.

“You wake up everyday and swear the galaxy is in Felix’s eyes,” Changbin says. He reaches for the glass of orange juice. “You wake up everyday and you look at Felix like he’s the prettiest flower in the garden. You wake up everyday and you look at him like you love him. You wake up everyday and you  _ love _ him.”

Seungmin purses his lips. “Shut up,” he replies, but he knows it’s the truth. It’s the truth because when Felix walks out of the balcony with Jeongin’s arms draped over his shoulders and they’re laughing like the world revolves around them, hurt flashes through Seungmin’s eyes. It’s the truth because he hides the pain he feels when Felix glances over to him and waves, unbeknownst of the aching in Seungmin’s heart and the melancholy behind his smile.

Changbin feels bad. “I’m sorry.”

There’s no reply for a moment. And then: “Don’t pity me.”

“I’m not.”

“You are.” There is no malice in Seungmin’s tone. It’s monotonous, void of emotion. “Don’t pity me when you’re going through the same thing.”

It’s a low blow and Seungmin knows it. It’s a low blow and Changbin inhales sharply as he looks from his glass of room temperature orange juice to the table across the room. It’s a low blow, and when the unshed tears make their unwanted appearance for the first time that night and the seventh that week, Seungmin doesn’t apologize. Nor does he do anything to distract Changbin.

Distraction doesn’t work. They both realized that a long time ago.

Across the room, someone laughs.

Minho’s laugh makes the whole room seem lighter—makes it seem like  _ maybe _ this party was worth going to. His laugh reminds Changbin of late night adventures and pushing each other in stolen grocery store shopping carts. It’s refreshing and exhilarating and it’s like running in the rain with the feeling of raindrops landing on his skin. His laugh is like the sunlight peeking through the gaps of the curtains early in the morning. It’s warmth and hospitality and everything Changbin has ever wanted.

His laugh is soft. Can never be heard in a crowded room full of people, but somehow Changbin’s ears can pick it up.

He hates it. Especially when he’s not supposed to hear it. Like right now (and every other day for as long as he can remember), when Hyunjin sits next to Minho and they whisper inside jokes amongst themselves.

Changbin places his glass of orange juice down onto the table. Chan changes the song to one that’s always overplayed on the radio—the kind of song everyone always claims to dislike.

“You know what sucks?” Seungmin starts. It’s the kind of question you don’t answer, so Changbin doesn’t open his mouth to reply. “They’re happy. Both of them. Fucking happy.”

“I know.”

“They’re happy and it sucks because that’s all I’ve ever wanted for them. Felix is happy with Jeongin and Minho’s happy with Hyunjin and we’re sitting here like a bunch of losers and this all fucking sucks.” Seungmin closes his eyes and exhales. Changbin really hopes he doesn’t cry. If Seungmin cries, he cries. “Why do they hate us?”

Changbin frowns. “Who?” he asks, genuinely curious. Is he talking about Minho and Felix? Do they hate them?

“The universe, I guess,” he says. “Fate?”

A beat of silence again. Changbin ponders this for a moment, because the party isn’t ending any time soon and they both have all the time in the world. It’s horrible.

“Don’t know,” he sighs. “Must’ve done some bad stuff in our past lives.”

Seungmin’s eyes stay closed. He releases a breath again. “You know, when we were kids, Felix and I used to sneak out and go to the park and look at the stars. We don’t do that anymore. He does it with Jeongin sometimes, though,” he pauses, trying to find the right words. “And…”

“And?”

“I don’t know. It just feels weird, I guess. I don’t know how to explain it.”

Changbin leans back against his chair and remembers how Minho used to crawl through his bedroom window at ungodly hours of the night holding his favourite stuffed animal. He remembers Minho going through the stack of movie DVDs on the shelf and making Changbin watch the entire Indiana Jones franchise until they both fell asleep. He remembers waking up with Minho pressed against his side while quiet snores slipped past his lips.

Minho doesn’t crawl through his bedroom window anymore. Nights are lonely and the Indiana Jones movies collect dust on his shelves.

Defeated, Changbin replies. “I get it.”

The song stops playing through the speakers. Seungmin opens his eyes and both him and Changbin look over at Chan.

“Table 4!” The boy exclaims, happy and excited and full of adrenaline. “Any song suggestions?”

Changbin’s gaze flickers over to Minho’s table. Their eyes meet for the first time that night. He doesn’t see through Changbin’s mask—maybe he never will. Changbin still has to decide if he’s okay with that.

“Uh, no, we don’t,” Changbin replies. He musters the best smile he can, but it’s small and nobody can see it unless they’re sitting next to him.

Chan frowns, a little confused at the lack of excitement coming from him and Seungmin, but he just shrugs and mistakes it for boredom. A Justin Bieber song starts playing and Minho immediately perks up while Hyunjin laughs at Jisung’s groan.

They’re having fun. There’s a slight pang in Changbin’s chest when he realizes how much of a downer he’s being.

His eyes flicker to the watch on his wrist. The night is still young and maybe he and Seungmin should try to have fun before the sun comes up, but the room feels stuffy and he gets a little dizzy whenever Minho comes near and the wounds on his broken heart open when Minho smiles, so Changbin decides maybe fun awaits outside of the party.

Minho drags Hyunjin, Felix, and Jeongin to the dance floor.

_ Yeah _ . Fun definitely awaits outside of the party.

“C’mon,” Changbin says, slipping out of his chair and kicking the leg on Seungmin’s. “We’re getting out of here.”

Seungmin frowns, eyes looking over the different people in the room. “The party’s barely started, though. A lot of people haven’t even arrived yet—”

“Nobody’s gonna notice we’re gone.” It’s the truth, but saying it still hurts a little. “Come on. If we’re going to enjoy this night we have to leave. Do you really want to be stuck here?”

Seungmin doesn’t even ponder on the question. “No.”

“Exactly. Let’s go.”

Seungmin sighs before getting up and following Changbin out the door, grumbling under his breath about wanting to get out of the suit he’s wearing. Changbin tells him to stop complaining.

They’re out before Minho turns to look back at their table only to find them gone.

\---

“This was a horrible idea.”

“This was  _ your _ idea.”

Changbin scowls. He leans against the only table in the park that’s sheltered from the rain. He stares up at the sky and watches as the moon hides behind the clouds. The breeze becomes a little stronger every time it hits.

Seungmin sits at the table. He’s tired and he feels like he could fall asleep right then and there—but then a gust of wind hits him unexpectedly and almost knocks him out of his seat. He glowers; first at the table and then at Changbin’s back. The latter doesn’t say anything, choosing to continue brooding.

“Christ,” Seungmin mutters. He takes his phone out of his pocket. “I’m calling Jisung and telling him to get us.”

Changbin doesn’t reply.

Seungmin presses Jisung’s contact. It rings two times before he picks up and cheerfully greets him with a hello.

“Hey, Han. Can you pick us up?”

Questioning laces Jisung’s words. “What?”

“Can you pick us up? Me and Changbin-hyung.”

“What? Where are you two?”

“Uh, the pa—”

“No, wait, you guys  _ left _ ?” Jisung exclaims loudly. Seungmin winces. “When did you leave?  _ What _ ? Hyung, did you know Seungmin and Changbin-hyung left?”

Someone else speaks into the phone. “Really?” It’s Chan. “Why? I thought you guys were having fun.”

“Um—”

“Man, you must’ve missed it when Felix—”

Seungmin flinches at the mention of him. Immediately, he interrupts, “We’re at the park, just by the coffee shop Hyunjin used to work at.”

Jisung huffs. “God. Okay, fine, I’ll be there.”

“Okay. Be careful. It’s raining.”

“ _ What _ —?”

Seungmin hears a click. Frowning, he takes the phone away from his ear only to realize it’s dead.

So much for a fun night.

He stands up from his seat and tucks his phone into his pocket. “Jisung’s coming,” he says. When Changbin doesn’t respond he adds, “I’m never listening to you ever again. This night has been horrible.”

“It’s better than being back there.”

“I guess,” Seungmin responds. “But still.”

Fall is bleeding into summer. The wind comes and goes—engulfing the two boys before disappearing again.

Changbin tilts his head. “I don’t get it,” he mumbles, a little quietly. Seungmin almost doesn’t catch it. “You said you and Felix would look at stars, but you can’t see them.”

“That’s because it’s fucking raining.”

“You know what I mean.”

A heavy exhale slips into the air. It’s crushed and hurt and nostalgic.

“Felix liked everything about stars. Every night we’d go to the park in hopes we’d spot something,” Seungmin explains. He tucks his hands into his pockets. A bitter chuckle leaves his lips. “One night I guess he just… lost all hope. Started crying about not being able to see anything in the sky. I felt really bad. I never wanted to see him sad, so I promised him that one day, I’d get him the stars. He smiled at me and I swear it was the prettiest thing I’ve ever seen.”

Changbin’s heart breaks a little. “I’m sorry.”

Seungmin shrugs the apology off (what does he have to be sorry for?). “The other night he walked into my room all excited and giddy because Jeongin told him he’d get him the moon. I guess the stars weren’t enough.”

_ I guess I wasn’t enough _ .

The words are out of Changbin’s mouth before he can think. “Seungmin,” he whispers. The younger of the two hums in response. “You know, someone’s going to promise you the stars and give them to you.”

Seungmin laughs humourlessly. Promises are always broken. “Seems a little unlikely.”

“I mean it,” Changbin says. “You’ll find someone.”

The orange tinted leaves scatter themselves on the ground. The breeze dusts pink on their cheeks.

“Thanks,” Seungmin replies. “You will too.”

It’s too chilly for this time in the year. The moon agrees; above them it freezes and shivers as the clouds it hides behind continue to weep and sow.

A car pulls up, and then Jisung is poking his head out of the window.

“What the fuck were you two thinking?” He exclaims irritatedly. “Look at this rain! Hurry up and get in, but if you get my seats wet I’m going to end up killing you both.”

Seungmin and Changbin smile genuinely for the first time that night.

“Now I want to see you try,” Seungmin says once he enters the car. “Gonna purposefully get these seats wet—”

“Oh,  _ fuck _ you,” Jisung grumbles. “You both look like shit.”

“Thanks,” Changbin deadpans. He pulls the seatbelt over his chest. “It stinks in here.”

“That’s your fault! The last time you were in here you spilled your coffee everywhere!”

The car pulls out and drives off. Outside, under the clouds and the pollution and the rain, the stars glimmer.   
  



End file.
